Dear Momma Who Compares Herself to Other Mommas,
I was at the mall today with my four amazing girls. This mall has an awesome family room. Set up with nursing stalls, couches, even wipe warmers and a microwave! It was a great place to take a break and nurse. My 6 and 3 year olds were able to watch Frozen while I nursed my 13 month old twins.
When you came. You, with your one-year-old-ish daughter. You just gawked at me. You gushed about how amazing I am for nursing my twins so long and that you weren't even able to nurse your singleton for very long.
Dear momma who compares herself, it really just made me sad that you had to feel like you needed to compare yourself to me, a complete stranger, and feel somehow inadequate.
You have a different story then me, I am sure. I had a tremendous amount of support. I've done it two other times. I did it somewhat out of necessity (we could not afford formula x2). We didn't run into any real problems. And above all, I relied on God's strength to get me through what I still consider the hardest time of my life (the first 8-9 months with my twins).
What's your story like, dear momma? Are you comparing your whole life to the minute glimpse you had of mine? Do your faults come tumbling to the forefront of your mind as you see my nursing my two happy babies?
Dear momma who compares, you don't know all my story. You don't know the days and nights that have passed in tears - crying out in desperation to the Lord. You didn't see me the moment before when I snapped at my 6 year old for asking for a drink of water. That my kids are wearing worn out shoes because I simply don't have the time to take them shoe shopping. That I go to bed wishing I had taken more time to just be with my kids that day instead of trudging through a part of my to do list. You didn't see all the numerous ways I fail my kids every day. You simply chose one aspect of my life, one moment of that day, and immediately deemed yourself a failure.
I just wish you wouldn't compare yourself to me or to anyone else. Don't rob your children the chance of having their own special, individual, and unique momma. They don't want "Susie's mom" or "John's mom." No, they want you. And they want you for who you are. The one who has always been there for them. The one that knows them inside out. The one that will do anything to fill their mom-shaped holes in their hearts.
God has chosen and entrusted His child in your care. Your standards should be His - and your desire should be to raise your children by His strength alone. Fully rely on Him.
So why compare, dear momma? Are these other mommas perfect? Can you see into every second of their day, reach into every dark space in their hearts, and think every thought in their mind? You shouldn't feel the need to compare your life of wins and fails on a short encounter. By a post on Facebook. A picture on Instagram. Neither should you feel inadequate or unworthy.
Dear momma, you are enough for your child! I can tell by the way she was grabbing your pinky, excited to show you a bright colored sign that caught her eye. Yes, that tells me she thinks you are very much enough for her. Allow her that innocence. Never let her see her momma feel defeated by comparisons. Let her see her momma try, try, and try again.
Sincerely,
The Best Momma Ever (for MY children)
